Sung by: Thomas Wilson Watley
Recorded in Pocahontas, AR 8/16/63

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I’m a bachelor of forty years,
Tired of living alone.
I made up my mind to marry at once,
No longer be a drone.

I got into my buggy,
And over to the widow’s I went,
Determining to make her my wife,
If she would just consent.

This widow was so handsome:
Her eyes were very blue,
Her teeth were of an ivory,
Her hair a golden hue.

She dressed in the latest fashion;
Her form was hard to beat.
She wore an expression on her face
That made her look so sweet.

I asked her if she’d ride with me;
She at once gave her consent.
We got into my buggy,
And down the road we went.

This was the happiest hour of my life,
The widow by my side.
It was I popped the question.
“Oh, yes--oh, yes,” she cried.

I dropped my lines over the dash
To hold this widow in.
Just then the horses took a fright;
The wheels began to spin.

They throwed us out to the side of the road;
It stunned me for a while.
I got up and looked around--
I couldn’t help but smile.

I saw false teeth and a wooden leg
A-lying in the dust;
And a wig of golden hair,
Which was so badly mussed.

This widow was as total a wreck
As ever I’d seen before.
I gathered up all of her attachments,
And took her home once more.

I shall never call on her again,
For reasons of my own.
I’ve formed a resolution
To let all widows alone.

I can cook what I eat,
I can wash and mend my clothes,
And never have any artificial woman
To lead me by the nose.

(Dr. Wolf: “Where’d you learn that one?”
Mr. Whatley: “I learnt that from Tommy Lee, a fellow that was born and raised in Randolph County.”
Dr. Wolf: “How long ago? How long ago’d you learn it?”
Mr. Whatley: “I’ve known it for better than fifty years.”)

All Songs Recorded by John Quincy Wolf, Jr., unless otherwise noted

The John Quincy Wolf Folklore Collection
Lyon College, Batesville, Arkansas
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